Remus Lupin
by cliocat
Summary: AU Remus has recently died, and James and Sirius, aged 18, are finding it hard to cope, especially Sirius. Oneshot. Implied Sirius/Remus. Rated T for language.


**A/N This is based on a dream I had (i seem to be making a habit of that - i've done a Merlin fic based on a dream too...) and it was so sweet and cute that i couldn't resist writing it down. I haven't really done the dream justice with regards to cuteness (totally a word) but I don't think it's too bad. Like I said in the summary thing, implied slash between Remus and Sirius. NOT between James and Sirius - the love mentioned between those two is just friend love. And sorry if the swearing offends you, but I'm sure you'll cope :P**

**For anyone who's interested, this is set the summer after they leave school. And although I said the South of France, the picture in my head looks a lot like the Cinque Terre. But less busy. I doubt anyone will care that much though...**

**Oh, nearly forgot:**

**DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own anything to do with Harry Potter, except a couple of copies of the books and DVDs**

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Walking along a quiet coastal path in silence, James kept glancing nervously at Sirius. They had been walking in silence a lot recently - as his friend seemed to hate to be still, and was refusing to talk. James was worried about him - weren't you meant to talk about your feelings when you were grieving? But the dark-haired boy hadn't said a word more than absolutely necessary since Remus' death, two months before.

Of course, James was grieving too, Remus was - had been - one of his best friends, Moony, one of the Marauders. But he knew that Sirius had to be feeling ten times worse. What those two had had was special.

When Sirius got the news, at first he refused to believe it. And then, when he actually saw Remus' lifeless body, something inside him shut down. And it hadn't come back since.

He wasn't sleeping or eating properly, and he was constantly moving, fidgeting, pacing. He'd always been energetic - he was the type who couldn't seem to help drumming his fingers in class, or tapping his foot - but this…. _Compulsion _thought James, that was the word. This constant movement, together with eating and sleeping only just enough to continue to function, had made the handsome boy look drained and ill.

This holiday had been planned by the three of them - Peter was on holiday with his family - months ago, and James had of course assumed that Remus' death would mean that they didn't go. Sirius, it had turned out, had other ideas.

*** "_I'm still going." _

"_But Sirius," James began hesitantly, "don't you think it'd - hard - to go without Remus?"_

"_I'm going" Sirius repeated flatly. "You don't have to come if you don't want, but I'm going"_***

So here they were, the South of France, the same village the four of them had come to last year. James didn't know how it was making Sirius feel, but it was certainly pretty difficult for him. So many things reminded him of the time they'd spent last summer, together and happy. The cafés, the little square, they were even staying in the same hotel for Pete's sake! - and even that phrase "for Pete's sake" was something he'd picked up from Moony, who had said it all the time.

Merlin, this was hard. _What kind of masochistic idiot is Sirius anyway? _James thought angrily. _Why was he so desperate to come here? It's gotta be killing him too."_

Sirius stopped dead, jerking James out of his thoughts. He followed the direction of Sirius's eyes, and saw what had caught his best friend's attention. "Oh man" he murmured softly. How could he have forgotten? This route contained yet another happy, painful memory. Last year the four of them had sat down at this point, and, being bored, indulged in some minor vandalism - carving their names onto a large rock near the path.

Sirius walked slowly over to it, his face inscrutable. James followed nervously, and placed an uncertain, comforting hand on Sirius' shoulder when he stopped. Sirius, moving as if in a trance, knelt down and placed his hand on the sun-warmed stone. Then he pulled his wand from his pocket - James quickly glanced around, checking for Muggles, but luckily they were alone - and pointed it at Remus' name. All four names were still clearly visible of course, they could only be removed with another spell. Calmly, and still without speaking, Sirius added the words _**"Sexy Bastard" **_below Remus' name.

Only then did Sirius's composure finally break, and his face twisted, showing the anguish he truly felt. James immediately grabbed his friend into a tight hug, and held him close as Sirius Black sank to the ground sobbing. Sirius sat, his back against the rock and his knees to his chest, fists pressed to his face, and James sat beside him, giving himself over to tears as well.

James didn't know how long they sat there, Sirius just…_feeling, _and him glaring at the occasional passers-by who looked as if they might be contemplating speaking to the two weeping boys. Eventually Sirius removed his hands from his face, sighed, and leant sideways so that his head and shoulder were against James's.

"**I really fucking love you, you know" **he said hoarsely.

"**I know. Me too" **replied James softly.

Sirius snorted quietly, deliberately misunderstanding. **"Bigheaded prat." **

James punched his arm gently. **"Idiot," **he says affectionately, **"you know what I mean."**

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**A/N Ta da! Now give me your opinion, please? Reeaaally doesn't take long. Please? *pitiful begging***


End file.
